


Tire Swing

by romulusgloriosus



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cat Puns, Gen, Soul Stealing, Sweat, The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-10
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-12-02 02:41:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20973962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romulusgloriosus/pseuds/romulusgloriosus
Summary: A fun little story about two ghost moirails in Earth C. Takes place in the periphery of The Homestuck Epilogues: Candy. I wrote this (at the last minute) for "Inktober" because I can't draw. The word today was "Swing." I didn't know whether to label this M/F or Gen because they're technically in a relationship but it's a moirallegiance and that's complicated!





	Tire Swing

This story is about these two:

\---

It’s a beautiful morning in the suburbs outside of New Derse on Earth C. There’s a clear blue sky above and a gentle breeze flows down the street lined with cookie cutter houses painted black and purple. One Dersite Carapacian wearing a Hawaiian(ish) shirt mows their lawn and waves to the mailman who is wearing a postal uniform, hat, and no pants. The homeowner says good morning to the mailman. The mailman says good morning back. Nice day today, the homeowner says. Yep, the postal worker replies. Well, see you around, says the homeowner. You too, says the postal worker. The postal worker gets in his truck and drives away.

Next door, the ghost of Nepeta Leijon, the fully realized Rogue of Heart, sits in a tire swing. Her moirail, the ghost of Equius Zahhak, wears a French(ish) Maid outfit and has his arms crossed. Nepeta bounces up and down on her butt impatiently.

NEPETA: :33 < push m33!!!  
EQUIUS: --> Abso100tely not.  
NEPETA: :33 < come on!!! you said that youd purrlay with m33 and neow youre just b33ing a jerk!  
EQUIUS: --> I said that I would come to your hive and I even said that I would  
EQUIUS: --> Roleplay  
EQUIUS: --> With you if you so wished  
EQUIUS: --> But this is simply preposterous Nepeta  
EQUIUS: --> You are not a wiggler  
NEPETA: :33 < w33re only 6 sw33ps old! were still pawractically kittens!  
EQUIUS: --> We have been dead for 100s of sweeps  
EQUIUS: --> Even if our physical bodies still remain those we died in we are NOT just 6 sweeps old anymore  
NEPETA: :33 < i dont care!!! push m33!!!  
EQUIUS: --> No  
NEPETA: :33 < yes!!!  
EQUIUS: --> No  
NEPETA: :33 < yes!!!!!!

Before Equius can reply, a Crocker Drone lands in the middle of the street.

DRONE: ATTENTION TROLLS. YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF CARAPACIAN KINGDOM CODE NO. 612. PLEASE REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM THIS JURISDICTION IMMEDIATELY OR THIS DRONE WILL BE FORCED TO REMOVE YOU FROM EXISTENCE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.  
NEPETA: :33 < this again??? why do there have to b33 drones on earth c? theyre so lame!!!  
EQUIUS: --> Drones are not lame Nepeta they play a crucial role in the survival of proper civilization  
EQUIUS: --> I apologize sir and/or ma’am for my moirail’s indiscretion we are both VERY LOYAL to Her Imperious Condescension Jane Crocker and believe that she is right in every single way  
EQUIUS: --> She  
EQUIUS: --> She is perfect  
EQUIUS: --> ...  
EQUIUS: --> Did I bring a towel with me  
NEPETA: :33 < gross!!!  
DRONE: TO REFER TO MADAME CROCKER BY THAT TITLE IS A FELONY UNDER INTERKINGDOM ARTICLE NO. 1025. PREPARE TO BE VAPORIZED.  
EQUIUS: --> fiddlesti%  
NEPETA: :33 < no!!!

Nepeta leaps from the tire swing and pounces on the drone. Her pale eyes glow with a bright mauve and lightning fires from her hands and spikes through and around the killer robot. Equius watches with wonder as the pulsing energy returns to her body and the drone keels over. She jumps back onto the swing with feline grace. Ghost sweat drips from Equius’ face and dampens his pretty dress.

EQUIUS: --> Nepeta  
NEPETA: I AM FINE. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT ME. ACCORDING TO SOME MEAN OLD LAW SOMEBODY MADE UP I WILL ALWAYS WIN.  
NEPETA: EXCEPT I GUESS THAT IS A PURRTY GOOD LAW.  
EQUIUS: --> Nepeta please release the drone’s operating system at once  
NEPETA: NO.  
EQUIUS: --> Yes  
NEPETA: NO.  
EQUIUS: --> Yes  
NEPETA: FINE.

Nepeta fires a bolt of lightning at a nearby bush.

NEPETA: :33 < are you happy neow???  
EQUIUS: --> Did you just put that drone’s operating system inside of that bush  
NEPETA: :33 < mayb33!!!  
EQUIUS: --> Normally I would be quite % about this but I am impressed  
EQUIUS: --> Well done Nepeta  
NEPETA: :33 < thanks!!!  
NEPETA: :33 < will you push m33 neow??????  
EQUIUS: --> I  
EQUIUS: --> Cannot  
NEPETA: :33 < why???  
EQUIUS: --> Because I fear that I am too STRONG and I shall push far too hard and harm you  
EQUIUS: --> There is nothing in any world that I fear more than to inflict injury upon you, Nepeta  
NEPETA: :33 < aww!!! you’re so great!!! but dont worry about m33 im tough i can take it  
EQUIUS: --> Very well  
EQUIUS: --> If you  
EQUIUS: --> Insist  
NEPETA: :33 < i do!!!  
EQUIUS: --> Fine  
NEPETA: :33 < yay!!!!!!

Equius closes his eyes and moves slowly towards the tire swing. Nepeta emits a throaty purring sound as she bounces up and down in the tire swing with excitement.

EQUIUS: --> You are sure about this  
NEPETA: :33 < i can fly dummy!!! if you push too hard ill just fly back to the ground!  
NEPETA: :33 < and anyway dont you know a cat always lands on her f33t?  
EQUIUS: --> Very well  
EQUIUS: --> You have convinced me  
EQUIUS: --> Here we go

Another Drone lands in the middle of the street and inspects its fallen ally. Several Carapacians come to their windows to watch the events happening outside. Nepeta groans and Equius sighs with relief at the distraction before immediately tensing up again.

NEPETA: :33 < not again!!! some kitties were about to have fun h33re!!!  
DRONE: ATTENTION TROLLS. YOU ARE IN VIOLATION OF CARAPACIAN KINGDOM CODE NO. 612. PLEASE REMOVE YOURSELVES FROM THIS JURISDICTION IMMEDIATELY OR THIS DRONE WILL BE FORCED TO REMOVE YOU FROM EXISTENCE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE.  
DRONE: IN ADDITION IT APPEARS THAT YOU HAVE PREVIOUSLY RESISTED ARREST. THAT IS A VIOLATION OF INTERKINGDOM ARTICLE NO. 13. THERE IS NO LEGAL RECOURSE FOR SUCH AN ACTION BUT IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.  
NEPETA: :33 < i put your friends soul inside of a bush and ill do it to you too if you don’t l33ve me to PURRLAY ON MY FUCKING TIRE SWING!!! i am a GODDESS and you are NOTHING but a STUPID SMELLY ROBOT!!!!!!  
DRONE:  
EQUIUS:  
DRONE:  
EQUIUS:  
DRONE: OK. I WILL BRING THIS INFORMATION TO THE PRECINCT FOR FURTHER CONSIDERATION. CARRY ON.

The Drone flies away a little too quickly. Equius coughs.

NEPETA: :33 < sorry i said a bad word......  
EQUIUS: --> No  
EQUIUS: --> It is  
EQUIUS: --> It is ok Nepeta  
EQUIUS: --> It is I who must say sorry to you this time  
EQUIUS: --> I believe I have underestimated you for too long  
EQUIUS: --> It is true that you have indeed become a mighty goddess  
EQUIUS: --> I wonder now if you even need someone like me anymore to 100k after you  
NEPETA: :33 < i never r33ly n33ded you silly! i just r33ly like spending time with you!!! youre my moirail and i love you a lot!!!!!!  
EQUIUS: --> I  
EQUIUS: --> I love you too Nepeta  
NEPETA: :33 < great! neow push m33!!!

Equius sighs. Nepeta once again bounces in the tire swing. He finally decides to do it. He pushes her.

She doesn’t go very far.

NEPETA: :33 < h33 h33 h33! that was great! push m33 again!

Equius smiles and laughs. He pushes her again. She goes a little bit further this time.

EQUIUS: --> Yes  
EQUIUS: --> This is fun  
EQUIUS: --> This is a lot of fun  
NEPETA: :33 < yay!!!

The two of them spend the rest of the morning enjoying the tire swing. The Carapacians go back to their business. No more drones dare to bother that street again that day.


End file.
